Secret Santa - Ana Gasteyer, Maya Rudolph

Maya Rudolph: Hey, Ana! Where’ve you been, girl? I didn’t see you at the

holiday office party

Ana Gasteyer: Oh, Maya, I’m so glad you called! I need a friend to lean on.

I think I got woke this weekend!

Rudolph: Spill the beans!

Call me a banana, but I went down to Havana

To buy my Secret Santa a present today

But I slipped on a banana, woke up in a cabana

Sippin' rum and orange Fanta, so I think that I’ll stay

My Secret Santa’s rich and handsome

He drives a fancy car

I knew just what to get him

He loves a fat cigar

He finds my stories silly

He says I laugh too loud

But now I see how life can be

I’m brassy and sassy and proud!

So tell my Secret Santa

I’m stayin' in Havana

Don’t want his big banana

And his gift will be late

Rudolph: So, let me get this straight. You flew down to Havana to buy that jerk

a gift for the holiday office party, then you slipped on a banana,

cracked your head on the sidewalk, and woke up in a cabana, and now you’re

spiritually, sexually, and politically enlightened?

Gasteyer: Yes!

Rudolph: Terrific!

I wanted to impress him

That’s why I flew so far

He likes me calm, polite, and quiet

Pero quiero bailar y cantar

So suck it, Secret Santa

I’m stayin' in Havana

Don’t want his big banana

He’s a terrible lay

All of my friends will sing Hallelujah Hosana

Shout from the rooftops, skip 'round the piano

How many times did I say that it’s Ana, not Ana?

I’m kickin' his ass all the way to Montana

You don’t have to worry 'cause we’ll keep your secret, Santa

Ain’t nobody care about your banana in Havana

See you later, Secret Santa

Happy holidays!