Abducted - Dane Cook

I’ve always wanted to be abducted by a UFO

Yeah sometimes, I just go hang out in the woods

Im just waiting for that blue light (UFO noise) AHHHHHH

Thats how they suck you up, by a beam of light

They suck you up by your chest. and thats not nessecary

Through a rope ladder down, I’ll climb up

I’m interested, I’m here for you

Don’t suck me up by my chest, that hurts

Ou’re a hovering craft

Why wouldn’t I come in and poke around for a minute

It would be great to be abducted, what did you guys do this weekend?

Dude we got hammered, it was awesome

Oh yeah, I was abducted. I was zippin around the galaxy. haha

Sometimes if I think about, if UFO’s come down

I get a little concerned because then I thought this scenario

This would be the altimate, full circle, slap in the face of the united states

What if this happens, because look, we’re the greatest country on earth

But we get a little cocky from time to time…

If we don’t like the way your country is doin its business

We’ll kick the door in, (door noise)

Hey, hey, knock it off, you’re buggin the world, cut it out

And if you don’t listen to us, well through all kinds of weapons

And crazy shit at 'cha…

Which we always apologize about using 20 or 30 years later

Listen we’re really sorry about that, we were a little drunk at the time

And we got a little rambunchous. the bomb

We didn’t know it was gonna do that

We thought it was a contained blast and we didn’t know

It would make everything blow into smitherines…

And you were being kinda a bitch, country, country

You were being kinda a bitch

Are we cool now? Do you mind if we leave ¾ thousand toops and

Maybe some supplies here

You dont mind that do ya? DO YA MIND???

You wouldn’t want us to get drunk again would ya?!

High five us, photo op, (CHING)

We get a little ha, we get a little cocky, what if this happens, oh my god

What if this happens

What if the mother ship, (booooooom) comes over middle america

And we’re all sitting watching tv

All the news crews are focus’d in and were sitting there watching

What if when the hatches finally open (chaaaaa)

Outta the UFO’s come thousands of 100 foot native american indians?!

We’re gonna be watching like. FUCK those are huge indians

Please tell me there not giant indians, god damnit there huge indians

Alright good game america, we had some fun huh?

Hi giant indians, we did some shit… and…uhhhh…ah aha ha

…could you show us how to make giant corn???